Lord Sovereign

God again has made himself so evident in my life. His sovereignty is almost overwhelming at times. How can the creator of the entire universe care so much about my life and my future? This time, the evidence of his faithfulness came in the form my own failure. I failed two calculus tests. I was/still am so mad at myself, but it was all part of God’s amazing plan. After that major failure, which occurred, of course, because I am a lazy slacker (!) God used different nudges and shoves to point me in a completely different direction. For about three months I’ve been  working at my old school as a TA (for all of you IMPACT TA’s out there, this one means Teaching Assistant) for kindergarten through sixth grade. Basically, I spend two and a half hours a day playing with kids! The best job ever, of course!Before I even started working there, though, I didn’t even like kids, now, I miss them over the weekends! That in itself is an amazing transformation, but it gets better! So, one day, my mum and I were sitting at the table talking, and all of a sudden my brain kicked in and realized exactly what we were talking about- me going into education and becoming a teacher! What? Where in the world did that come from? WHAT?! I started to freak out a little bit, I mean, going from biomedical sciences to elementary education is a huge switch! (it’s nice to be versatile, but it’s also super duper hard!) As I considered it more and more, I realized that, somehow, everything- I mean EVERYTHING- worked out so that I could make an easy transition into education. Then I had a feeling of absolute peace, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)” It constantly amazes me how much God must love me to invest so muhc in my futre. I know that these events don’t jsut happen, but have been laid carefully since the beginning of time. And, that gives me a sense of incredible peace and comfort, that I am not alone, and God cares enough about the small things to make me sure that he cares about the big things.

On another note, Phillippians 4 has recently become one of my favorite passages of scripture. It is so comforting and the tone is so joyful. Having joy and peace in every circumstance, no matter how painful. Being able to know that God has a purpose in even the most painful of circumstances, and things don’t “just happen” but are ordained. God is sovereign and faithful. While this is so comforting and I am so grateful for it, it also humbles me so much. I am no where near good enough to be deserving and never could be, but God has shown me grace and my sins are covered with Jesus’ blood. What is more, God not only fogives me my sins, but he also faithfully uses them to make me grow. He has a purpose in every mistake that I make. He has a purpose in everycircumstance and that is why “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds” (James 1:2). “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)!

Only the most adorable boy ever…

the Colosseum

Can’t remember what this was, but its pretty…

Natural Order

Enjoy! I know I do

<3M

One-hundred and Eighty Degrees to God’s Sovereignty

“Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

C.S. Lewis- The Weight of Glory

I find myself ‘far too easily pleased’ quite often. But, the most beautiful thing is that God is faithful and Sovereign. I ask myself where I would be if God were not sovereign, and I cringe; so much has happened in my life that I didn’t plan for, and especially didn’t like at the time, but I look back now and see that I was shaped into the person I am today through my most painful and uncomfortable experiences. God’s divine timing and planning are so much different than our human minds can comprehend, and more often than not, we don’t like God’s timing as we’re going through different things, but when we live life with a divine perspective, we can see the good that comes from all of our “bad” experiences, and they no longer seem so terrible. It all comes down to the perspective with which you live you life. C.S. Lewis once said, “Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth thrown in. Aim at Earth and you get neither.” If we live our lives with eternity in view, we don’t get hung up on the painful experiences, because we know that “all things work together for the good of those who love God. (Romans 8:28)”

I’ve been taught in the past few months that God will, even subconsciously, use experiences to completely alter the paths of our lives. At graduation (in May), I saw myself moving away to Virginia, getting a Bachelor’s degree in History, and going on to law school. Right now, I’m attending USF (right near my house), living at home, getting a Bachelor’s of Arts and Sciences in Biomedical Sciences, and going on to medical school. Pretty much a 180, eh? But, my mum and I were talking, and the path that led to this change was so interesting and such a testimony to God’s faithfulness. God used an anonymous donor in order to make it possible for my senior class to go to New York, which in turn triggered something within me (subconsciously, of course) that made me not want to leave, (now, it is important to note that this path and sequence was not discovered until a couple of days ago, and not by me). I came back with a small desire not to leave home, that ended up growing into a full-blown “anti-leaving” campaign. And the rest is still being written. I don’t know exactly what God has planned for my life, but I do know that he is faithful, and that the plans that he has for my life are so much bigger and better than anything I could imagine. I am committed, from here on out, not to live life being “too easily pleased,” but to live life with an eternal perspective and to be ready to lay down my own plans at the feet of God and not to be afraid, but excited. Because the peace and happiness I feel now is so incredibly powerful that I can’t help but to be excited about my life and my future.

With Peace only God can Bring,

M

An Evening After the Rain…

Just some pictures I took in my backyard(except for the one with the pillow!). The little boy is my two-year-old cousin, Theo.

framed

contemplative

light a dark

giving life

and it was all…yellow

peek-a-boo

Glory

forever

“…He is like a tree
planted by streams of water…” Psalm 1:3

Ray- a drop of golden sun

My backyard…

A Happy Man…and a Girl Trying too Hard

Sundays seem to be my thinking days. I was remembering a conversation my schoolmates and I had this past year in school concerning happiness and its truest nature. At the time, I believe we were reading Aristotle concerning happiness, and this is what that conversation became- my ambition. We divided the subject into two categories: “A man who is happy” and “A happy man.” At first blush there seems to be no difference between the two, but allow me to explain. “A man who is happy” is a man who can experience pleasure and happiness, but only superficially. And once that temporary pleasure is gone, what replaces it is utter despondancy. “A happy man” is one who can experience both pleasure and pain, and still retain a certain aspect of happiness in the most devestating circumstances. The Christian is like the “happy man.” We have a supra-natural happiness and a “peace that transcends understanding.” When James wrote that we must have joy in ever trial and tribulation, he was not talking about joy as in feel-good sort of pleasure. Instead, he was talking about the joy and happiness that comes only from being in the will of God. This is part of my goal for my life- to glorify God in everything I do and to be happy when I’m not experiencing pleasure.

I was reading Blue Like Jazz and Donald Miller started talking about Grace, and how it is that some people find no problem in accepting God’s grace, while others cannot accept it at all and feel as though they need to work for it. Miller pointed out that this is a bigger problem of not accepting God’s unconditional love. When we don’t accept this, we feel as if everything, including God’s love, has to be earned. While in this mindset, one cannot ever live a life that fully glorifies God, because we cannot overcome our struggles in our own power. It cannot be done, by any stretch of the imagination, and yet we try-so hard sometimes- and we get so frustrated because we can never get it right. I’ve been falling into this mindset, and just realized that it was a problem of pride, and not accepting God’s grace because I think I can do it myself. Sure, I’ll “say” that I need God’s help and I’ll pray a little prayer, but do I mean it? I don’t know that I do. I’m realizing that the problem is deeper than just sin, its a problem accepting a free gift. But, I mean, I accept it…how could I not? But, for some reason, I cannot get out of the “works mentality.” It is as though my head knows I don’t need to work to earn God’s love (how could I ever?), but my heart refuses to acknowledge its broken state and refuses to admit that I cannot ever be good enough. I know this, but for some reason I cannot live as though I know it. I feel so broken and frustrated right now, and yet, my head knows all the answers, but there is a barrier between my head and my heart. I need to break this barrier and live as though I know that I cannot ever earn God’s love, and live as though he still adores me and let his light shine through me.

I’m sorry if this is confusing and unintelligible, but, I’m trying to work through some stuff- obviously! Anyway…If anyone has any advice, I’m willing to listen.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”  John 15:5

Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness intstead of light, because their deeds were evil.” John 3:19

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12

“Your sun will never set again,
and your moon will wane no more;
the LORD will be your everlasting light,
and your days of sorrow will end.”  Isaiah 60:20

God’s word and his creation match so beautifully. I need to find more inspiration from His word. It is so comforting. Maybe that is the barrier that I am trying to overcome.

At Peace and In Turmoil,

M

A small taste…

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from Europe…None of these have been edited in any way.

Fontana di Trevi^

I will write more about these and title them later. I just wanted to post something. So, please enjoy them! It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

Tiredly,

M

Heaven…

Today, in Church, my Bible Fellowship teacher started talking about Heaven and everyone’s differing perspectives on how it will be- “one fine day, when this life is over.” Some say that they can wait till Heaven, because they don’t want to be bored strumming harps and singing all day and all night. Some say that they don’t want to go to Heaven because they won’t be able to see their loved ones or that they will be unrecognizable. I personally do not know what Heaven will be like, but I do know that I will see my Saviour’s face and be able to glorify my God to my utmost. My favorite passages on Heaven come from my favorite author, C.S. Lewis, one is found in The Last Battle and the other is an entire book, The Great Divorce. I will begin with the latter. The Great Divorce begins with a man in a grey town in line to get on the bus. What one finds later is that this is no ordinary bus, this is the bus from “the grey town” or Hell to what is, not explicitly, called Heaven. In this new place, the ground is painful to the shadowy figures from the ‘town’ and a mere leaf is impossible to pick up from the ground. Shining beings come to speak with the ghosts, most of whom refuse to listen to reason. They, like most Hell-bound people, long for the selfish ‘comforts’ that mean nothing, but offer no accountability. These people do not want accountability or any being to have power over them. They are fearful of what could result if they look beyond themselves. The shining people from Heaven are beauty in themselves, they have a supranatural existence that can only come from having been in the presence of God. They are beyond comprehension and are completely unselfish. Their only wish is to make the ghosts see reason, although most refuse. Lewis is careful to point out, in the preface, that this is not necessarily what he believes Heaven will be like, and does not wish to lead anyone astray, but I find that The Great Divorce is a wonderful study in the psychology of Heaven- and Hell-bound people. I highly recommend reading it, especially if you need a ‘good think.’
The other aforementioned passage is one of my personal favorites, and while not as thought-provoking on an intellectual level, is extremely vivid and beautiful. You can only get the full impact of the quote by reading the Chronicles of Narnia, but the passage is still beautiful and inspiring. The narrator is taling about the first glimpse and understanding of the “new Narnia,” where the Pevensies and all of the other Narnian friends have gone at the end of the world, which, by the way, is another beautiul passage. But, alas, with no further ado,

“Perhaps you will get some idea of it if you think like this. You may have been in a room in which there was a window that looked out on a lovely bay of the sea or a green valley that wound away amoung the mountains. And in the wall of that room opposite to the glass there may have been a looking glass. And the sea in the mirror, or the valley in the mirror, were in one sense just the same as the real ones: yet at the same time they were somehow different – deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know. THe difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like that. The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked like it meant more. I can’t describe it any better than that: if you ever get there you will know what I mean. It was the unicorn who summed up what everyone was feeling. He stamped his right fore-hoof on the ground and neighed, and then cried: “I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia so much is because it sometimes looked a little like this. Bree-hee-hee! Come further up, come further in!”(ch. 15)

Lewis has such an amazing way with words and descriptions that, while they may not be factual, still are thought provoking and make one wonder and impress upon one’s senses the impact and glory of what he is describing. Heaven is a mystery to me, I need to study more about it and go to The Word.

Alas, that is all for tonight!

Thoughtfully,

M

A few of my favorite things…

Classic ^

Angles… ^

the road less traveled…^

*burst*^

one cool kid ^

Vibrant ^

Save a seat for me?^

Filling Space…”If”

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son

*If* by Rudyard Kipling

Number one…

Why am I doing this? I’m not sure I can answer that question, but still I write. I just got back from Europe. It was amazing. It was beautiful. I am in love. We went on a cruise and here are the place we went:
Dubrovnik, Croatia
Corfu, Greece
Katakolon, Grece
Santorini, Greece
Kusadasi, Turkey
Valletta, Malta
Messina (Sicily), Italy
And afterward, we spent time in Rome, Italy. It was one of the most exhilirating and beautiful experiences of my life. I am so blessed. One of the most beautiful things we saw we the Galleria Borghese. It was an incredible art museum and I saw so many beautiful sculptures, my favourite of which was Apollo and Daphne. The Greek myth says that the god Apollo lusted after Daphne, the illegitimate child of Zeus and a human woman. As Apollo chased after her, she prayed a fervent prayer to her father, the god Zeus, to deliever her form her persuer. Just as Apollo reached and caught hold of the girl, Zeus answered her prayer and turned her into a tree. The sculpture, done by Bernini, shows the transformation of Daphne as Apollo grabs her. When viewed from different angles, the statue seems to show the stages of her transformation. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. And it is such a testament to God’s glory in the human creativity and skill. the movement and life of the statue is incredible. I was moved. Next time, I’ll try and write about the Rape of Persephone.

I need to re-read so many C.S. Lewis books, namely The Great Divorce and Till We Have Faces. I love Lewis; he is one of my heroes. I want to have the same impact on culture as he had. So many people don’t realise how much of their philosophy comes from Lewis. I remeber the day my philosophy teacher told me how directly my three favourite philosopher-authors were connected. Beginning with Plato, from whom Saint Augustine borrowed, who directly influenced the work of C.S. Lewis. I don’t know why I reflect on that now, but that moment was incredible. I felt so brilliant for subconciously realising the connection, and so dumb for not realising it conciously.

On another note, I miss all of my friends deeply. It has barely been a month since I’ve seen my classmates, and I miss them so. Others it has merely been a few weeks, and yet, I feel as though I will die before I see them again. While I know this isn’t true, my heart still feels the loss keenly.

Wistfully Yours,
M